Losing your cool

When is the age when you're not allowed to do certain things anymore? Like all the stuff that used to be cool, you still think is but everyone looks at you like you're and idiot because you still do. Perfect example: video games. I think this is something that my generation (AKA the first people to have Nintendo) is the first to experience. Are we all going to be like 75 and playing xbox12million? Will they have fixed the red ring of death thing by then? Of course if you're like me, then you probably won't be playing anymore. The only video game system I own is Nintendo 64 because you still can't fuck with Mario Kart 64. No contest, best game ever. Golden Eye 64 is a close second. It is 1B to MK64's 1A.

Other things that you "grow out of"

- Basketball shoes - They're so comfortable!!! I wore them from elementary through like 10th grade. If I wore them now?? I'd look like a complete tool. It sucks! I want those new zoom air LeBron maxes or whatever they're called, but I don't want to spend $200 to be ridiculed. That already happens to me free of charge. Thanks to my girlfriend.

- Sports Jerseys - I wear my Nike Throwback 1995 Eddie George jersey every football Saturday, but I'm concerned that one birthday it's just going to become uncool for me to wear it. Like overnight the grown-up fairy flies in through my window, taps me wither her magic wand, and presto, i suck at life and am not allowed to wear a jersey anymore.

- Driving a cool car - Still hasn't happened to me, but it has to before kids come along and ruin my life . You'll never have a chance to have a cool car again until they all leave your house. Then it's seen as 1) mid-life crisis and 2) you have a tiny penis/impotence. I do not want either of those labels thank you. For example, what pops in to your head when you see a guy driving a [pussy-magnet yellow] Corvette? I rest my case.

- Not parting your hair - Every person that is at or above a certain age has a grown-up haircut/style. I do not want. Actually, I just want to keep my hair and not look like a dork

-Inappropriate jokes/remarks - This is the only thing I can think of that you are supposed to grow out of, but once you reach a 2nd point in your life it becomes acceptable again. Think about it, you can't get away with calling anything gay anymore without pissing someone off. Same goes for retarded. Some one's friend's uncle's cousin is that, and you are a prick because you are so goddamn insensitive. Let me make this clear: I don't dislike gay or retarded people. (Tim Hardaway"hates gay peoples" btw) Both are fine, I don't care what you do in your private life at all as long as it isn't part of NAMBLA's code of conduct. Anyway, you reach a certain point and all that shit is seriously frowned upon. But BANG! You turn like 60 or something and you can say whatever the fuck you want again!! SWEET VICTORY! Think back to your grandfather and the shit he said/says. My grandpa said some terrible stuff about everyone, and it was hilarious. I can't wait to be old just because of that. Dear future grandson, you better hope that you're not effeminate and are good at sports or you're going to hate my ass. You've been warned.

Things that were NEVER cool. EVER.

-Jorts

-Tim Tebow - see above

- Teva or similar sandals - you look retarded. Go save trees and eat granola somewhere else, hippie.

- Vince Carter - All he could do was dunk. Now that he has 2 shot knees what is he good for? And he plays for the magic, and that name and their unis = LAME(Go Cavs, big win last night)

Things that used to be cool and idiots ruined:

-Vampires - Vampires used to be all cool and scary and not gay at all. Now look at them. All effeminate and so on. Dear Mormon woman that wrote those Twilight books: Fuck You. You ruined Vampires. ("Twi-Tards" are another group of people I can't stand.)

-Jeans - Regular jeans are fine. But these embroidered designer jeans are so dumb looking. Even if your woman (or "guy friend") picked them out, there's no excuse for you not returning them or even think about wearing them. Negative man points if you wear them without being coerced by oral. And even then, everyone knows you accept oral and then still don't wear them. And skinny jeans??? What's the point. Jeans are supposed to be comfortable, not so tight they hurt your nuts. Don't get me started on the idiots that sag skinny jeans either.

-Being a man - A real man, not one of those faggy Twilight Vampires, Metrosexuals, etc. It's not cool to be a man's man anymore for some reason. If that's the case, I choose to remain uncool. Drinking beer, not shaving, watchigng any sport that is on TV at a given time and eating cheeseburgers or anything else I can char on my grill. That's my typical weekend, why has this become a crime?