Friday, June 11, 2010

Soccer Thoughts Number 2

I don't understand soccer. How is it the world's most exciting game? Today the World Cup kicked off(PUN!!!!) and the first two games were so exciting that they were both ties!!! WOOOOO!! 1-1, and 0-0(or "nil nil" for you soccer douchers). Don't get me wrong, I'll be rooting for the US to kick the shit out of those limey's tomorrow. Any time there's an excuse for the USA chant I use it.

Reasons to hate soccer:
  1. People get pissed when you call it soccer instead of "football" or "futbol". WE ALREADY HAVE FOOTBALL AND IT'S WAY BETTER THAN SOCCER! At least when someone is hurt in football you know they are acting. which brings me to.....
  2. FLOPPING. Seriously, I saw a video on ESPN where a guy got hit with a ball in the thigh and he fell down clutching his face with both hands. THEN he did the old "peek a boo" to see if anyone as looking, got up, and played on as if nothing happened.
  3. "Everyone else in the world plays it"/"It's the most popular game in the world". I'll admit, both of these statement are true. However when is going with the crowd something admirable?? Also take in to consideration that "most of the world" lives in mud/grass huts and "most of the world" listens to techno". "Most of the world" doesn't have running water, or cable TV. I don't want to be lumped in with most of the world.
  4. Celebration includes removing articles of clothing. The only place that should be true is the strip club and your own bedroom or wherever your freaks do the deed.
It's not that I "hate" soccer, it's just that I think so many other things are better and more entertaining. Like it all you want, however when you become a soccer snob and debate with anyone who'll listen about why they should like it, you should be punched in the face. Twice.

Anyway, U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! Beat the world at their game (like we almost beat Canada at theirs) so we can rub it in their faces about how much we don't care.


  1. Re: Flopping- Worst thing about the NBA is the foreign imports who played soccer all their lives and flop at everything.

    And yes, I'm looking at you San Antonio.

  2. Ya know Chuck, I had this exact conversation at work today, only it was centered around Vlade Divac. I think what happens is that these dudes(Gasol, Divac, Parker, Ginobli) get too tall for soccer and then we get stuck with these terrible actors in the NBA.

    American Example: Paul Pierce, 2008 finals. Dude got carted off in a wheel chair and then RAN back on the court. Ultimate flop. That's how you do it, euros!!


What do you think?