New Years' Resolutions

See ya later 2009, don't let the door hit you on the way out you sunnuvabitch! I for one will welcome 2010 with open arms and open wallet. Everyone knows that 2009 sucked, the economy, golden parachutes, auto bailout, Tiger Woods... everything was shitty. So it comes to the point where people like to make resolutions. Most of the are something like "work out more" which I find funny because if you didn't work out at all then 1 time is technically working out more. How bout "quit smoking"? Good luck with that. Who smokes anymore, honestly? Quite Frankly (S.A. Smith anyone? fuck that guy) we can all do a little better. Well, I take that back. I don't have that much, or any, faith in humanity. I can do better, I'll leave everyone to their own devices.

1. Drink more Wiskey. The good stuff, not that plastic bottle swill I drank when I lived on 12th and summit/damn near 4th. ($250/month, can you blame me??)I got a brand new bottle of Glenlivet 18 year old for Christmas, and I plan on enjoying it and many other bottles this year.

2. Grow a mustache for "no shave November". Don't you dare question my judgment on this one.

3. More drinking in the hot tub. Well, I would say more using the hot tub and pool, but everyone knows that swimming sucks unless you have at least one drink. It's a great way to relax.

4. Less dinners out, but when I do go out I will go somewhere that doesn't suck. I read a book recently that made a lot of sense, part of it is basically about not how we should go out less or spend less on things we like but that we should spend less on things we don't care or like all that much. I don't know about you, but I am not a big fan of eating at Chili's, TGIFriday's, etc. That probably isn't even food. While I do like the chain "Islands"(Western US only) I don't like it enough to eat there, or similar places, as much as I do. Which really isn't that often, but you get the point. Wow, that was a rant.

5. More road trips. Vegas, Santa Barbara, Vegas, Tahoe, Vegas.....Vegas!!!

6. Attend 2 tOSU Football games in 2010. Not sure whether to count the bowl game or not.



I think 5 is enough. Besides, I just packing up the car with the coolers, red cups, tables and chairs for the Rose Bowl tomorrow. My mind can only handle so many thoughts of domination at once.

Go Bucks!!!

"Happy Holidays"

2010 is almost here, which for most of us that dwell in the business world is a very welcomed change. 2009 sucked a bag of rotten donkey dicks as far as making money is concerned. Nobody bought anything, or in some cases even continued their projects that they had slated for 2009. I for one welcome 2010 with open arms and an open wallet. Fuck you 2009.

But we still have a couple days left of 2009, which means more chances for people to wish me "Happy Holidays". You gotta love the age of the politically correct. Wishing someone a Merry Christmas is frowned upon more than Roman Polanski doing what he did. At what point in time in my life did people stop wishing me "Merry Christmas" and switch to "Happy Holidays"?? Seriously though, if someone wished me a happy Hanukkah I wouldn't get miffed(Kwanzaa is a different story all together because I am one of the whitest dudes on the face of the planet Earth). It's a nice gesture no matter what holiday they insert in the greeting., just be happy no one is trying to cut you off on the freeway or flipping you the bird.

If you get offended by people wishing you a Merry Christmas you should probably just die. In this day an age it's a miracle in and of itself for anyone to say something nice to you unprovoked. Just take it for what it's worth: someone being nice to you when most other people think you're worthless. You don't have to send out Christmas cards, or presents or anything, just say "Thank You" and wish them the same. Done and done. There's no use saying "Excuse me, but I don't celebrate Christmas". It's kind of like when someone asks you how you are doing when they greet you. Honestly, they don't care. If you respond with something other than "fine" good" or "OK" you are a douche. Unless you're really close to the person that asks, no one wants to hear about how your wife left you, stole your pickup truck and ran over your dog. Actually, even if that person knows you they probably don't want to hear all that shit. Nobody likes Debbie Downer.

What do you say to a humanist? Nothing, they are pricks. Fuck them.

Bowl Season is Upon Us

You know what that means? The most glorious time of the year will soon come to an end and we'll be forced in to watching a bazillion NBA games on TNT, at least Charles Barkley does the half time show and provides us with entertainment. C-Webb, not so much(TIMEOUT!!).

When I think about Bowl Season I think of two major things: Goddamn there are a lot of bowl games and do they let just anyone sponsor these things? Point in Case: The Brut(yeah, the stuff your grandpa splashed on after he shaved) Sun Bowl. Brut! FUCKING BRUT! I think Old Spice would be a more suitable sponsor for a bowl because at least they make other popular products and not just cologne/aftershave that no one under 65 years of age buys. How bout the Motor City Bowl in Sunny Detroit! Isn't that fucking city bankrupt?!?!?! Little Caesar's Bowl.... all I know is that they sell $5 "hot and ready" pizzas and that's all. That's a shit ton of $5 pizzas. This company has to be bankrupt. My new Favorite might actually be the St. Petersburg Bowl sponsored by something called "Beef 'O' Bradys". Wow, that's amazing.

Why isn't there a Trojan Condom's Bowl? Or the Tampax Bowl made famous by the Academy Award winning Film "BASEketball"??? Seriously, I want these things to happen in my life time. If we can have bowl games sponsored by Beef O Brady's and Roady's, why not Condoms or Vivid Video? Seriously think about it. Vivid Video should be the sponsor of the Las Vegas Bowl, not Maaco.

Actually now that I think of it, my dream will never become a reality because supposedly we're going to have a playoff system in place within the next decade. RIGHT. Congress is involved people say, that will help. Name one time, JUST ONE, when congress has stepped in and actually made something happen faster that wasn't a tax hike! Can't do it, can you? It's just more of your tax dollars hard at work! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Tiger Woods Banged Some Chicks.... and other things I don't care about.

-Tiger Woods is a poon hound. The count is up to 10. Varying from "kinky" sex outdoors in a church parking lot to being high on Ambien while banging some slut, the details can get pretty gory. While I do enjoy hearing that he's banging chics from pornos and stupid cocktail waitresses I am tired of it being on sport center. The only thing that should piss me off on ESPN is Josh Elliot(bc he's a douche) , Jesse Palmer(Certified Grade-A Douche) and the constant sucking of the SEC's collective dick. Let me read about it on Deadspin if I choose to, I just don't want it in the "Not Top 10".

-What's with people bitching about Christmas/Hanuka decorations in public places? I was listening to the radio yesterday and a "Humanist" called in and basically complained that other humanist feel sad during the holidays because they don't believe in God and there are no decorations up for them. So they've started a campaign letting other humanists know that it's OK to celebrate the holidays and give gifts etc, you don't have to believe in Jesus, or the story about how the oil in the lamp lasted 8 nights for those Jewish people back in the day.

Their overall message of just be a good person is alright, I can dig it. But I just hate when people bitch because their views aren't represented the same way that other people's are. Do I get upset when all the local media covers is the Lakers and I am a Cavs fan? Yes! Well, not really. Stop whining. The world doesn't need less decorations and more holidays. It needs less whiny people. Besides, what do humanist/atheist decorations look like? Are they invisible since they believe in nothing? We all know that believing in something you can't see is silly, right?

-It rained yesterday. The commute was terrible and to top it all off my shoe got pretty much water-logged. Reminds me why I don't live in Ohio anymore. But for all of you idiots that think it's "freezing" here now, it isn't even close. You can put your down jackets and mittens away, everything is going to be ok. And what's with the girls wearing winter coats, ugg boots and short shorts. Not complaining, but it just looks dumb.

-I went to Dicks Sporting Goods yesterday. My girlfriend was looking for long sleeve shirts to wear under her t-shirts at work and I noticed something weird. It's December and they already have a fresh crop of swim suits out on display. The Ski section is close to being boxed up in December! WTF!!! I'm just glad their aren't Valentine's Day decorations up yet, but now that I've said something they've probably started.

All of this just makes me realize that I am one of the few sane people left in this country. That's not exactly comforting.

Also, Timmy TeBag cried on TV. There is justice in this world after all.